Love languages. There are so many unsaid rules when you’re in a relationship. You have to be honest, communication is key, appreciate your partner, apply effort, the list goes on and on. All of these things are important but one rule a lot of people don’t talk about often is what you are suppose to be doing before you get in a relationship. You want to be with someone yet are battling demons from like ’09, dealing with unresolved trauma and self-hate?
Sorry to sound like a line from a 1980s romantic film but, real happiness comes from yourself (🤮). I think it’s hard to be happy in any relationship when you’re fighting a lot of internal issues. People need to refocus on learning who they are and appreciating themselves, without thinking other people need to do it for them. Think about it. People should only add to a certain threshold of happiness that you already provide for yourself.
In today’s post, I want to talk about how to apply your love languages to yourself ( as the title suggests). My love languages are quality time and acts of service. I love spending time with the people I love. Spending time doesn’t necessarily mean I have to physically be with you every minute of every day. Sometimes phone calls and FaceTimes are a huge part of how I spend quality time. My other love language is Acts of service. I appreciate when people do thoughtful things for me, doesn’t have to be something with monetary value. That could be helping me with a task etc. Even though these are my love languages with other people, I want to show you how you can apply all five to yourself.
Application of love languages to yourself
Quality Time
- Prayer. Talking to God is one of my favorite things to do in the day. The bible app has this cool feature where you can watch stories of “The Verse of the Day” that includes a prayer and an application to your daily life!
- Yoga/ Stretching. I do 15 minutes of this maybe 3-4 days of the week, turn on my diffuser, and envelope my room with the scents of my favorite essential oils. Lemon and Eucalyptus are currently my favorite combinations.
- Journaling. It is such a great way to just emotion dump and spend some time with myself. Sometimes If I’m too lazy to bring out my journal and write, I bring out my laptop or phone and just open the notes app! The best thing about the notes app is that you can lock it after.
Acts of Service
- After a long week(s) I usually treat myself with a huge body makeover. That could be a facial, wax, mani-pedi, getting my hair done, etc.
- Cleaning my room and reorganizing is usually a good distractor and a great act of service for me. My room never really gets dirty just sometimes clothes can get everywhere so taking the time to re-color code my closet, do some laundry, vacuum or sweep my floors, makes me feel productive.
- Cooking! Cooking for myself makes me feel so freaking good. I love trying new recipes (if you follow me on insta you know this). It’s rewarding to spend all that time prepping and cooking a dish and then finally getting to sit down to enjoy it with a nice drink and show afterward.
Receiving Gifts
- Investing in yourself. I’m awkward when people give me gifts, but I don’t mind spending the money on myself. It cost a pretty penny to maintain my website but I love what I do and I believe in what I write so I pay the money! For you that could mean taking a cooking class, a coding class, learning a new language, etc. Whatever skill you want to develop don’t be afraid to pay the money for it.
- Buy yourself nice things. That could be jewelry, clothes, makeup etc.
- Take a trip! This is an expensive gift but if you are one of those people like me that don’t care much for materialistic things then definitely put that money into experiences. I’m about to go to Mexico for the summer and I just bought Hamilton Broadway tickets to watch in NY. Expensive yes… but if that means I get to watch Daveed Diggs and Leslie Odom Jr. in person it’s worth it.
Physical Touch
- Massages. This is not something I do now, but something I want to start implementing a couple of times a year.
- Stretch. I already mentioned this as something I do to spend quality time with myself but it also applies to physical touch.
- Dance. Twerk, disco, free-form. Whatever dancing style you feel the sexiest and most comfortable doing should be your preference.
- Working out. Even though it takes a small army to get me to the gym, it does has its benefits.
- A thorough night routine. After a nice bath, massage some lotion on yourself, put on your favorite robe, and hop in bed with a nice book.
Words of Affirmation
- Positive self-talks. I recently signed up for the black therapist daily word of affirmations text group. It is honestly such a great way to wake up. Having those positive affirmations ringing throughout your head as you complete your daily tasks really is motivating.
- Positive sticky notes. I have a couple of these but they always end up getting thrown away because I hate clutter. But the concept is still very solid so I believe it is something you should do if you haven’t done so already. Make mental or physical sickly notes on why you are THAT B***.
- Vision boards. I lost all of mine but I want to make a new one and really get my manifestations out there.
Like I say for most of my posts I am not claiming to be an expert in what I say. I just use this blog to talk freely about things I think are interesting but feel free to use the comments to agree, disagree or add to my verbal vomit. 😉
Have you read my last blog post?
