As I swipe further and further through the social media hole I usually find myself in, I couldn’t help but notice a certain trend. The amount of “How to be more feminine” or “how to be more soft” videos on different social media platforms was overwhelming. Especially the number of videos created by black creators. It had me thinking “Is there a reason for this pattern?” Thus a slew of research began.
It’s crazy to see these videos now and have a different perspective as an adult. When I was younger, I thought to be more attractive I needed to follow certain rules. Have a certain scent, hairstyle, and clothes. I thought my tone-ish arms, deeper voice, and strength made me unattractive. When in reality that’s not the case.
There are women out there telling people that you need dainty jewelry, less makeup, and long hair or you’re too manly. Like what? There was one creator that even said that you have to take your probiotics and establish a morning routine…this just makes you a human that has your crap together, not more feminine.
Most black women see themselves as feminine
Black women are the main producers of this content and based on this study it makes sense. According to the study, most black women see themselves as very feminine compared to white women. Also, white women have fewer concerns about losing their femininity card, while black women have a certain social pressure to uphold or they might lose theirs. This goes way back to many stereotypes including the angry black woman one, which I’ve already written about in this post here.
The old ideals of black women as unattractive and aggressive used to be and might still be a huge reason why black women see femininity as a bigger status to attain than most, especially in the dating world.
In the US, black women have often been deemed too ugly, muscular, and aggressive to be feminine.
Binary attachment of the word feminine
The word feminine has a lot of adjectives attached to it. To most people, the word means gentle, warm, and soft but is only associated with women. While masculine is labeled as strong, brave, and rough, and given only to men. When in reality both women and men can be both.
Now, this isn’t a blog post bashing people trying to be more feminine. Absolutely not! I am always open to tapping into both feminine and masculine energies, and to be honest, I see the power in both. Here is a post on why I think tapping into feminine energy is important (for both men and women). I love feeling feminine at times because it makes me more confident and helps relieve me from the idea that I always have to be the “strong one.” While being masculine makes me feel powerful and independent.
Some of these videos seem to focus on propagating archaic ideals of what black women should LOOK like to fit into society’s standard of beauty, in order to “get a man”. That should not be the case at all. Do not let these Tik Tok girlies fool you into changing who you are to be beautiful for others. As a woman, short hair, an all-black fit, and the scent of method’s man body wash do not mean you lose your femininity. I just want to throw that out there.
These are all my opinions so I would love to hear your own; so please leave a comment!
