Sometimes all you need is introspection and wine when celebrating your birthday during a pandemic. I just turned 22 a couple of weeks ago. When the clock struck twelve I wouldn’t say my stomach curled up with excitement like when I was a kid and birthdays held the coveted promise of going to Chuck E. Cheese. I wouldn’t say a sense of maturity settled over me like when I was 16 and I was able to drive myself and my friends to the mall with my $7.50 hourly paycheck. When the clock struck twelve my friends gathered around me, belting happy birthday in my ears in a sing-song voice. I sang along emulating their excitement. But I knew if I were by myself, I would be in bed, with a half-empty wine glass in my hand and an episode of Girlfriends playing in the background.
Why the loss of excitement? Is it the pandemic that has forced me to celebrate with less elaboration and fewer people? Is this how people above the age of 21 feel now that we have technically covered all the important milestones? These thoughts were whirling around in my head days after my birthday and I wasn’t sad thinking them; just curious. I would say what keeps me from being sad is the fact that I know I’m gradually becoming the person I am supposed to be.No numerical value can tell me that. I am becoming comfortable with getting older because getting older means new experiences and new experiences mean growth.
There are many things that have hinted at this subtlety. Well first I’m noticing traits about myself that never used to be me. I’m learning to selectively filter the type of energies I allow to mingle with mine, more open to meeting new people and experiences, fewer hesitations with plans, and more spontaneity. I think through things based on my own rationality and my own desires rather than with someone else’s in mind. I wouldn’t say I’m getting selfish but more of finally choosing my own happiness for once.
This year has taught us a lot. Good and bad. Good: I have to live life like it’s not promised (Covid has reminded me how transient life can be). Bad: I can get too comfortable in the space of familiarity and that can hinder me from taking on an explorative role in this game called life. I have a lot of work to do obviously from my own personal assessment. But hey I just turned 22, I have time.
What has this year taught you about yourself , the good and bad?
